you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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