Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
