Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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