His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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