We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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