I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The adults are the big ones right?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
