I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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