Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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