When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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