I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
