Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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