Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
