This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
