so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize