You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
