yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
