On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
