I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
