I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
3pm strippers are depressing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I'm really busy with my period
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