At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
