I'm going to jail i love you
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
