i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
