I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
