Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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