The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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