this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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