Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
