Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
