Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
