I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
