I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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