Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
