just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
