I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
