i think my mom watched the whole time
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
