Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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