how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
