you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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