Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
