on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
