i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
