she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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