So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
