and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
