Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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