Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
