Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
