Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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