you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
