i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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