I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
