this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
