if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
