I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
