Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
