i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
