i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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