I didn't shave. On purpose
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
