I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
