You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize