Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
