Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
