Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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