If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
