also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Randomize
