This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
