Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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