I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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