It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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