so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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